So I set myself up and didnt even realize it.
Today I took myself to the movies and saw "Brothers". It's an ok movie and if I were any sort of a normal person I probably would have enjoyed it.
I was in tears almost immediately. *spoiler alert* Bascially the premise is that the husband is a Marine and deploys and the wife sort of starts a relationship with the brother. Brother is just out of prison and tries to make his life better by helping out the deployed brothers wife. I knew that going in. It's eerily close to my own experience in that when my ex was deployed his brother moved in with me and things got a little out of hand.
In the movie, the USMC brother is presumed dead. In my life it was just a deployment, so I didnt have "grounds" by any means. OK so that's why I went to see the movie. I was prepared for the good son/bad son routine. I was prepared for the family dynamic including the children.
What I was NOT prepared for was how it ripped out my heart and brought back so much of Mark Bower. And just to put salt in the wound, I came home and re-read all of his letters.
Mark and I met via a singles ad I placed as a joke. I was just weeks away from my divorce being final, starting to get my dating legs, and was raising my two girls as a single mom. Mark was a Corporal in the Marines, divorced with a son of his own, and gunshy around potential relationships. We wrote letters for a bit, then a friend took me out on the town and unbeknownst to me she had set it up with Mark to meet us. This was the first face to face meeting we had. I was sitting at the bar having a drink and I looked up and saw this man walk in (I saw him in the mirror). It sound corny, but time stopped. Nothing else existed. Our eyes met in the mirror and it was soooo perfect. When I found out that guy was Mark I could not have been happier. Mark was the single most gorgeous man I have ever seen. And he totally was not aware of it.
So things progressed and he basically moved in with us. We were so in love. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. We also got a wonderful dog, Dusty. That dog so rocked.
Then a couple of months later he deployed suddenly to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba during the "Hatian Refugee Crisis" of 1994. We continued to write to each other every day, although the mail was really slow. When the letters came it was such a thrill. They were so full of love.
Bu June 15, 1994, he was on the Russian Ship MS Ivan Franko.
Previously they had been aboard a Ukranian Cruise Ship Gruzia which had beenone of the ships the Russians left Cuba on in the 1960's
Letters from Mark were largely about how bored he was on the ship and a smattering of what they were being told was going on politically.
He proposed to me in a letter dated June 10, 1994. I cried like a baby. I knew it was a HUGE step for him--for both of us--because o the divorce issues. But I was totally ready. I loved Mark Bower beyond all reason. I must have been curt with him in letters though, as he always seems (upon reread) to be trying to explain something to me. I know memory is selective. I only remember that I ached for him and was so worried. I sincerely hope I didnt make the deployment more difficult. In retrospect, I totally wish he would never have left me with his car, bank card, and power of attorney. I'm totally sure I abused the priveledge. Although I can honestly say, without a doubt, that with the exception of my current husband, Mark Bower was the only man I never cheated on. I've never been good with money, but I was completely loyal to him otherwise.
Things started to change toward the end of July. The stress was getting to him and he started getting cold feet about getting married. Then in the next letter, first part of August, he was talking again about moving to WV and maybe getting a job as a state trooper. But the stress continued. The Marines lived in tents while the Air Force had air conditioned trailers. Nobody knew when or if the whole thing would ever be over. The Haitians rioted several times per week. The IRS was taking his pay. The State of NC had issued a warrant because he did not show up for a Fishing Ticket (he was deployed). The stress was really there and I ignored it. I just kept pressuring him about why he didnt want to get married. I was a fool. He wanted to get everything taken care of so we could start a life together free and clear and I felt like he was shutting me off, not letting me help him as a partner. He wanted me to move back home to WV and I wanted to be as close to his life as possible.
By September the letters were just the front and back of one page, and coming only every couple of weeks. At that point he believed he would be back in December, check out of the Corps, and come meet me in WV.. The letters stop there. I have no recollection of that time frame whatsoever. My ex had gotten me charged with embezzlement of Girl Scount Cookie money and court was approaching. I went to court and was served with custody papers. October and November were a nightmare. I did move back to WV in December 1994, get a job, set up housekeeping. I returned to NC for court and to pick Mark up and take him back with me and he wasn't there. He had gotten his release from the Marines and was gone.
Also in the bundle of letters was a note from his ex-wife. I had sent a Birthday present to thier son, sort of as an introduction. Erica wrote back that Mark had told everyone we were not seriously involved. It was a lovely letter really. Very supportive of my relationship with Mark (if it existed) and open to Mark writing to Stefan and starting a regular dialogue. The letter is addressed to my West Virginia address, so I had to have been in WV by then. I remember sending the gift but for the life of me I don't remember getting that letter.
All this was brought back to me today in one segment of the movie. The Marine is destroying the kitchen and screams to his wife that she doesn't understand what his hands are capable of doing. Mark had said almost exactly the same thing to me when he returned from Gitmo. There had been an incident there that had left it's mark on him. He was clearly traumatized.
The timing is all very confusing in my memory. Aside from that one discussion in the previous paragraph, I don't recall seeing him after the deployment. It's as if he just disappeared.
Which actually he did. I heard from him briefly in March 1995-he wanted to come back. I said of course! Then I heard nothing again. Then he called wanting to know if he could bring his brother with him. I agreed--hell I would have driven to New York myself and picked up the whole damn family if it would have brought Mark back to me. I never heard from him again.
My oldest daughter doesn't seem to have any issues with the loss of that relationship. My second daughter and I still very much do. A few years ago I put an ad online trying to find him. I got a few back and forth emails from someone claiming to know him and that he was in Texas. None of that is terribly trustworthy but then I have no reason to disbelieve it either.
I'd love to talk with him. I desperately need closure. Ive moved on, and have a wonderful husband and a young son now and I wouldnt trade either of them for anything--not even for Mark. But I havent even heard his voice in 15 years and the pain is still so raw, and so deep. I'm not angry. I know things happen. I guess I just need to know that whatever happened wasn't my fault and that he did, for a time at least, really love me.
I probably will never get that closure. I likely will still do the occasional internet search (do you know how very many Mark Bower's there are in the world? LOL) and wonder.
But above all else, I wish him love.
Somewhere I have a photo of us together. When I find it, I'll add it here.
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Much discussion of the meaning of “skeptic” and those who call themselves such ... |
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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Today I recieved a copy of the 1979 Orion. The Orion is the yearbook for Marietta Senior High School in Marietta, Ohio.
My mother, my sister, and I moved to Knox Street in Marietta in 1978. I had lived in Ravenswood, WV most of my life to that point, having lived in nearby Parkersburg WV for only one year--the rest was all spent in various homes in Ravenswood. My father was born in Ravenswood, and both his father and mother were born very near there. In fact, thier parents were born in Jackson County as well. Ravenswood was, and always will be, home.
When my parents divorced, my mother decided she needed to get more formal education and after attending a community college in Parkersburg for awhile, she transferred to Marietta College. This was the basis for our move. To say I was devestated would be an understatement. I had just finished my Sophomore year at RHS and having only two more to go couldn't believe my mother was uprooting me. I held a deep resentment for that for decades. Although I understand why she did it, and realistically it was the best choice, Im not sure it really was what was best for me.
I never felt that I fit in in Marietta. I had a steady boyfriend and plenty of things to do socially, but I was not happy there. The school was huge, and I had to ride a bus to get there. And if I missed the bus, I walked. It was a LONG walk. I also had a lot of responsibility for my baby sister who was I would guess about 7 when we made the move. We were exceedingly poor. Now that I have raised my own children, much of the time a poor single mother in my own right, I sure as heck don't know how Mom pulled it off. I added to her burden by dating a guy who was quite active in DeMolay which meant there were LOTS of formal dances to attend. And I was reaching the age of proms as well.
I worked hard most of my life to forget about Marietta whenever possible. But a couple of years ago I remembered a friend named Paul Evans and what an amazing writer he was. I searched on Amazon.com to see if he was published and instead found his "wish list" of books he would like to own. It did provide me with contact information and we have since reestablished our friendship. He has shared his wife and daughter with me as well and it is a friendship I cherish.
It has opened a flood of memories. I had casual contact with a few friends from Marietta in the late 90's when I first got on the internet, but contact was lost as I was never very keen on remembering. Then in May 2007 I had a car wreck that has caused me to lose considerably more memory. Through some of Paul's facebook contacts I began to reconnect with other Marietta Alumni and now have several people I keep track of online.
Funny that, because I never ever would have believed these people remembered me, let alone fondly enough to allow me to keep contact. I had a handful of friends--mostly friends of my boyfriend Rick Broker--but never felt like I had more than two or three friends of my own.
So now I sit with the Orion '79, leafing through and remembering. I'm putting some of those memories here, and eventually will be scanning some photos for my online collection.
One of the first memories I have of MSHS is of being in the band. I played flute for years in Ravenswood--sat first or second chair most of the time. But the band directors in Marietta made it clear another flute player was not needed or wanted. So I played xylophone. In a marching band. That lasted through band camp. The instrument was so heavy and it was so hot that I couldnt handle it. So much for band. I quit right away (I think!)
I remember the Jr Class play "A Chorus Line"--or maybe I remember doing a group song and dance routine for the Talent Show. I remember wearing tights and a body suit and feeling SO huge. I'd kill to be that thin now. I do remember Rick Broker playing guitar and Marvin Becker on piano while Beth North sang in the talent show. And I remember Julie Huck and her tricycle "Greased Lightening". The page of the yearbook with those memories also included a photo of Eric Krivchenia. I remember him being a nice guy with a great sense of humor.
There are lots of photos of people I remember fondly, but seriously doubt (or doubted until recently) that they remember(ed) me. Pat Moening. I'd love to know what happened to him. Unni Sorenson was so nice--she was an exchange student from Norway. I didnt know her well but I do remember her. Dave Clegg, master magician and star of local commercials. Scott Boyer--what a genius and comedian! I remember thinking Seinfeld reminded me of someone and now I realize it was Scott Boyer. Betsy Blair I didnt know (I don't think) but she was soooo pretty. There were lots of really pretty girls at Marietta. Holly Hobensack, Tracy Holdren, Leigh Hollins, Jane Kelso, Cindy Lilly, Lori Metz, Allison Mills, Kathryn Murtha, Maru Anne Pioli, Mary Simmons, Cindy Thrash, Laren Yeager, Stacey Bike, Robin Ross, Karen Bergen, Lori Beulow (pretty then, but in all honesty prettier now), Beth Cassidy, Merilyn Clapsaddle, Paige Flemming, Brenda Forshey, Melody Garwood, Ellen Gilde, Kathleen Kingma, Teresa Malone, Sherry Miller, Peggy Pickering, Tawni Powers, Jane Summers, Carol Barry, Joy Guckert, Marci Samples
Others I remember being nice but no knowing well...Jeff Farrell, Pete Gammon, Lisa George (maybe I knew her fairly well though, I think she was Tom's sister), Andreas Kolshorn--wow was he brilliant--still is!, Debbie McCormick, Tom Modie, Pete Palmer and Pete Pannier, Regina Stewart, Cathy Waters, Tom Welch, Mark Wurtzbacher, Steve Curtis, Barb Russell, John Goettge, Adam Able, Kurt Albright, Teresa Augustein, Greg Barth, Jackie Bedilion, Kelly Berga, Kathy Best, Tina Bett, Chris Conrad, Doug Deeds, Randy Gibson, Ricky Gupta, Ron Hazelton, Barb Hune, Rob McGrew, Jana Miller, Teresa Modecki, Jeannie Mulato, Julie Newman, Lynn Omentanski, Penny O'Neill, Polly Pannier, Chris Palmer, Mark Russi, Tom Stafford, Cindy Stewart, Frank Tacy, Mark Venham, Jill Framptin, Jon Hartlage, Robin Kigma, John Walsh, Colleen Crosby, Nancy Haas
Rick Broker, Scott Christy, Michelle Torpy , Sue Spicer, Ben Sauer, Cy Jobes, Marvin Becker, Jill Lewis (she was my neighber and I adored her and her brother Jeff Fink), Brenda Bom, Dave Clegg, Tom George, Heather Herdman, Wendi Patterson, Jill McConkey, Beth North, Steve Scharff--I remember these being my closest friends.
Some of those folks could be on a couple of lists!
I remember Debate Club but had forgotten who all was in that club. Was surprised to see the names--some were people I thought I remembered as so far out of my social league as to not ever have spoken with them. One of them, Jay Prescher, I chatted with on Facebook just today. I remember when he approved me as his facebook friend I thought "Wow! Jay Prescher remembers me!". Now thanks to the photos and the yearbook I also remember he was in DeMolay and Debate!
Some of the staff I remember. Jane Crandall I have always remembered with deep affection. She was a huge part of making me who I am today. Same with Mrs Hollins, the debate coach. Probably the two most important adults for me during that time of my life. Mrs Crandall made me think. Mrs Hollins made me brave. I remember Mr Hahn, the drivers ed teacher. I also remember sneaking orange vodka drinks at my locker then going driving! Mr Kimball, band. Mr Leclair, although I don't know why I remember him or what for. I remember a probability and statistics class from hell, but I liked the teacher. All I remember was that he was male (Mr Miller maybe?), but I do know he and the physics teacher (Mr Schrider) really pushed my boundaries educationally. Mary Lou Moegling, the librarian. I wish now I would have respected her more.
There are pictures there of things I still don't remember. Like I don't remember Wendi Patterson playing basketball. I don't remember Baskin Robbins being in Marietta. I don't remember Congeltons Cafeteria or Burger Chef.
I remember going to some classes at Marietta College while still attending high school.
I remember going to the funeral of someone who died in a motorcycle accident but I can't remember who--I remember it was a boy and that's it. Might have been 1981.
I remember going dancing somewhere along the river in Parkersburg. I remember HATING anyone from Williamstown, WV
I went to a year of college at Otterbein, then returned to the area and was a dj at 95xil (Robin Layne--bet most of you Marietta people didn't know that) and dating Brian Hadley even though I didn't know him in High School. 1981-82 was a rough year. I was big into drugs in early 1982. Then married a marine from Parkersburg and left for many years....
I was sad when Marvin Becker died. He was a good guy. In the years before he died my Mom got to know him a bit--they both lived in Columbus. He played piano at my first wedding.
If someone knows where I can get a 1980 yearbook that would be awesome. Also if anyone can fill me in on who it was that died in the motorcyce wreck that would be much appreciated too.
And if I've left you out or we were closer than I remember, please don't hesitate to remind me. Im so grateful for the opportunity to get to know my Marietta classmates now. You guys have become great adults! I might even consider coming to a reunion. If I do I'll bring my yearbook to get signed!
Robin
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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With permission from the family of this 14 year old girl, I'm posting her
picture here and asking that anyone who may have information regarding her
whereabouts to please email me immediately with details. She was last seen
in the Calgary area.
*photo removed*
She was last seen in Calgary ten days ago. This family is a personal friend
of a friend of mine. If you see her, please contact the police and drop me a
note and I will get the info to the family immediately.
Thanks. And please post this everywhere you think it might help. Include my
email if you want to -- robin@triedit.netUPDATE--- This child has been found and returned to her family. Thank you to everyone who sent prayers or support. If you have hotlinked this photo or have it on your own site/forums, the family asks that you remove her photo. |
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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| My car insurance people sent me to see a doctor called a physiatrist. This is ... |
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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| My first husband was a volunteer fireman. He spent many years with the local department ... |
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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Hi, my name is Robin and I'm an ebay addict.
I admit that I am powerless ... |
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| Posted by Robin Bellamy at | | | |
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